School is a Bitch, as Well as her friend Life

Yes, we all have things come up. Yes this will be a bitch post. I have written jackshit. Shit happens. Mine just came up in a big way last week, onto this week. Last week sucked. Like mega sucked. I had my best friend come and chill with me for hours shopping and going to a movie. That helped, but aid came at the end of the week. I failed a pop quiz. Failed homework that I stupidly screwed up on. Completely missed turning in homework for French - I screwed up the date. I failed a quiz in Music. Can I go on? Why, yes I can. I fail at life. This coming from a straight A student who has maintained her grades through high school and onto college. It has been years, YEARS, since I've gotten a B. And these weren't C failings, no, they were below 50% failings. Needless to say, I was depressed, mega depressed. The weekend helped. I've written down a million dates on a calander so I know what to look for. Dates have been playing hell with me lately. I'm attempting to study, and trying really hard to look at the bright side. This brand new week picked up. Yes it did, I was so excited. I got points back on bio homework, since there was a technical computer mistake on the assignment, French was only worth a measly ten points, pop quiz was failed by everyone in the class so the teacher is VERY kindly discounting it as prep, I made up the music quiz with the only extra credit of the course, and I took the next music quiz and got a B. A B is not my ideal grade, but a hell of a lot better than below 50%. So, I was doing really well, on a bit of a high after hearing about that French quiz, then I read the paper and discover that my department of choice is possibly/most likely being cut. F***. And, to top my day off, I went and donated plasma today (yes, got paid for it, but even the workers call it a donation), and I had a whatchamacallit happen to my arm, where the blood 'leaks' out of the vein and pools in my arm, and they have to switch arms. Dang. I hate getting the needle stuck in, and it means that I'm going to have to reuse an arm in two days when I go back for 35 more dollars! Bummer. I'm hoping I can. I've been icing the one bad one. I apparently have shitty veins, as in they 'wiggle' a lot and are hard to stick. I knew my good run of several times with little to no problems was not going to last. Dang. So, that has been my update. I've also worked a few shifts. Ugh. I came home feeling like I'd been around a cat all day, which is bad as I'm allergic. I just went to bed, no homework for me. But, to make up for it, I got up an hour earlier (I only went to bed one hour earlier) and did more homework. Anyways, I just needed to get that off my chest to nameless people who will never know my educational shame. Ugh.

In other news, the idea flitted into my head today, how interesting would my life get if I decided to live it like it was the last year of my life? Kind of like I've got cancer and will die? Not to play on people who do, but imagine how things would change after a year and you're still there? God, it would be so freeing. I almost want to do it. I would confess a few things, work on a few things, live my life like it actually mattered what I do with my time, and who knows what else. But, of course, this wouldn't really work. Me with no constraints on my last year is perilously close to me not working. Obviously not viable. Not being in school. While I love school, so far it has been all that I've done with my life, and I wouldn't want that to be my last year. Also, financially a dud. All those things you hear about doing before dying, like sky diving and flying to that place in the middle of no where, they cost money. I can't afford it now. I would love to, though. I think it would be a blast to just let go, with a nice hefty egg in the bank account to assure myself, and just travel cross country floating from interesting job to interesting job, meeting new people, playing the tourist, and just experiencing things. I would want to go to LA, or do something in Hollywood. Not necessarily acting, I have a really good hunch I suck at acting with huge stagefright and whatnot, but acting as a laymen during filming would be interesting. Interacting in that type of setting would be fun, and meeting the type of people that want to be there. Obviously, I can't do it. I'm on a scholarship - I can't take a year off and do whatever and still keep it. I was thinking maybe after college. Do I really want to spend the first 20 or so years of my life that aren't in diapers only in school, then go straight to a career job, one that you stay in for years and years? Not really. I'm seriously considering just wandering. God, that would be fun, hard, and fun. But, if I do do that, I'm disconnected for a year from my possible career, and that's kind of like going away on an extended maternity leave - you don't really recover. Also, I'm sure there are those of you out there going, live parts of it now. There's no need to stop school and everything else to give confessions, be braver, etc. etc. etc. I'm a coward socially, that would be a very hard thing to do. I think I would almost need that less than a year thing to get it off the ground and going. Course, I could always sit and jack away my time like I do now. Huh. I guess that's a nice internel dilemma for another time. I know, though, that if I did do it, I would write a book and a blog about it.

My current daydream alternates between two things: that roadtrip in the most ideal situation with me maintaining connections to career world; or a naughty one about being saved by galavanting heroes who shall remain nameless. :D Clearly I have nothing better to do with my time while trying to get to sleep.

I'll write when I can. It helped to bitch about it, even to nameless people online. It's had a soothing sense. Maybe a journal where I can get really open would be useful. Who knows. If this weekend goes well, I'll write. If it doesn't which is probable since I work Sunday, don't expect a darn thing. I have a chapter well started, just not finished. Huh.

Over and out.
BK